It's all "your" fault...

07.22.2003 at 12:34 p.m.

Last night was just not a "good" night.

To start things off... my dog crossed an "imaginary line" that I had placed in my head. I have been waiting as patiently as I can with him on this waiting list for the rescue group... well, I can be "patient" no more. In his amazing hard headed determination to be IN the same room we are all in... he barged past/THROUGH my daughter in her swing in the computer room... knocking her swing over and nearly hurting her. She nearly hit her head on the chest behind the swing... but in a twisted way the chest was her saving grace too because it caught the corner of her swing and kept her from falling all the way over... in which she would have ended up with all her weight, plus the weight of the swing on one of her small little arms or legs. So I wrote the woman at the rescue group a follow up email telling her I really need them to put a move on things. I hope they can.

As if that was not bad enough... as we were going to bed my husband decided he wanted the dick-head of the year award. I knew the baby was going to give us issues going to sleep last night... I could just tell... she was snuggled beside me in bed and was very "unsettled" - so before my husband even went to move her into her room I asked him if he was sure he wanted to do it... but he did. And she woke up. And my husband tried to settle her back down for a very short amount of time when apparently the cat made some noise in the room and she really woke up. So immediately he came storming out of her room flailing his arms in the air saying "you handle it." Ok - fine... but I am going to handle it my way. I do not under any circumstance believe that letting my sweet baby girl sit in a dark room - alone - to cry her eyes out is the way to get her to go to sleep. So, I brought her back into the bedroom... with the intention of having her fall asleep again... and then carry her back to her crib. Clearly this was not good enough for my husband and his bad mood.

Sometimes he just seems to get determined to have a fight. He will pick at me... say things he knows will "push my buttons" or hurt my feelings or whatever... just because he is aggrivated with WHATEVER and needs someone to take it out on. So he starts in: "I blame you for this..." (her sleeping in the bed) "This is all your fault..." he pushed harder. Then he found his "button" and said: "And I totally blame you for her falling out of the bed too." Now, that was a totally uncalled for comment. That is when I realized what was going on here. He was NOT going to stop. So I told him to "shut the fuck up." Thankfully... he did. He left and slept in the other room. Leaving me to deal with our very fussy baby girl - alone.

But I would rather have dealt with her issues alone than have his attitude hanging over me as well. About an hour later I finally got her to sleep deep enough that I could go and get MYSELF ready for bed. Still I hardly slept all night. He had taken one of the pillows I use to keep her "secure" now... so every time I heard the slightest noise my eyes flew open. Including when he came back into the room... somewhere right before the sun came up.

This morning he barely said anything to me. What was I supposed to do? Act like nothing happened? At one point after the baby was napping - and I was desperately trying to snooze he came in and laid beside me and put his arm around me. I am guessing that was my chance to make "amends." I was just too tired though. He did not realize I had barely slept... and now was not even going to get in a nap... Didn't he even think to apologize to me for how he treated me?

So that was my night. Today I sign on and find a revised list of how much we are in debt to my mother-in-law. Yeah - just what I wanted to be reminded of.

And it goes on, and on, and on, and on...

Heard in my house:

Something Extra:

Feeling:

Craving: