Jack

05.01.2005 at 1:54 p.m.

I don't know how to write this. I don't know how to begin this. I am not even supposed to be writing it, saying it. It simply was not supposed to happen, and this is just all wrong. I want to wake up from this nightmare because I know this could not have happened. Not to him. Not the one of the most genuinely nice, caring people I have ever known. Please, just not him.

Last night my husband was talking to a friend of ours over instant messenger, and she got a phone call, so she told him to hold on. Her next words were the most painful I have heard in the longest time... "terrible, terrible news out of MO (Missouri) - Jack - He was killed in a car accident this afternoon." (He was taking his mother-in-law home to Arkansas, and they were hit head on when a car crossed the divider into their lane. She is in critical condition at this time.)

I can't. I just can't wrap my head around this. Just last week he was telling me about his fruit trees in his yard and how excited he was that they were blooming. And in May he was finally getting his "lap band" surgery and he was excited to be taking the steps to get his weight under control. He was so proud of the house he bought last year... and of his sweet, sweet baby girl who will be 2 in October.

I wish I could go down there and hug his wife, give her a shoulder to cry on (though I would probably just get in the way), and I wish I could hold his sweet baby girl and tell her how she meant the world to her daddy... and that no one will ever let her forget that. I just want to make it all better... and I want to stop this pain inside myself... but I can't. It just won't go away.

I went to get a sympathy card earlier, and though I did finally get one, none of them were good enough. None of them were worthy of Jack. He was just so genuinely good. And I just want to wake up. I want this to all be some horrible dream. But it isn't... and though I know life is never fair... somehow this just seems even more wrong. He had finally gotten himself to a place where he was content. He had so much he was looking forward too.

I've known him for over 7 years... in that time I don't think he ever once spoke poorly about anyone. I just don't know what else to say. This is just wrong in so very many ways.

My Husband wrote a very touching entry that everyone should see as well, here.

He always called me his "angel" - rarely did he call me Lisa. If someone said "Angel" in a crowd, I knew it was Jack, and I knew he was talking to me. I loved being called that.