Pain complaints & something extra

03.17.2005 at 10:43 a.m.

My husband loves corned beef and cabbage. I.. well... to put it nicely, don't (love it) but, this is the one day a year I will sacrifice my dinner for my husband.

And I just realized I have nothing of any importance to say. I am not even sure it is worthy of making an entry any more... though I am sure I can come up with something to gripe about. Like my pain. I an hurting so darn bad today, I just want to cry. But I guess it goes with the territory. In a bit I will go exercise, in spite of the pain. Since Monday (or Sunday, whenever it was I started) I have effectively done it every other day. And on my off day I cleaned out the garage the other day, which still should have qualified as some sort of exercise.

I am just really upset with how badly I am hurting. I remember, when I was 16, thinking it actually did not hurt that bad. This was right after the accident. I wondered if all the court nonsense was really even worth it... (hind sight being 20/20, I know it was not worth it, it only paid for the medical, which had been paid for anyway.) But I told myself it did not hurt that bad. I look back on those days and know how right I was. I just wonder why it hurts so much more now... I know my weight is a factor, but clearly this is something I will always have to deal with. I have said that in the past, so it is not like it is actual news to me... but it is like I have just really realized what it means. And I want to get to a doctor, I want all the tests done that have found nothing in the past done again... because if it is hurting so much more now... something would have to show up... right? There would have to be something that can be done to make the pain ease... right? And if there is nothing that can be done as a permanent fix, then at least I can know I am not crazy to want a real pain pill. That I can go to the doctor and get medication and not feel "guilty" as if I don't need it. I have fought those feelings for years, and I am not sure why. I hurt, so I should get pain medicine, it should be a cut and dried situation. I am just so sick of hurting so damn badly.

Look at that... I have more to bitch about than I thought I did. I want to not even exercise later... but I can't do that. I made a promise to myself to lose weight, so I have to just ignore the pain. But how do I ignore something so intense it can bring tears to my eyes? When it is not so "intense" it is simply annoying enough to destroy my focus. Not to mention make me cranky.

Anyway... enough of that crap. I hope the munchkins like dinner. I figure I will have macaroni and cheese ready as a back up.

I added another one of my "options" down there... ↓ see it? The "something extra" - that way I can throw in links and such I want everyone to go look at... maybe a shameless plug or two as well... Just thought I would draw some extra attention to it anyway...

Wish me luck with my exercising... and the corned beef dinner too.


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