Follow up...

11.07.2005 at 5:01 p.m.

I know I should not be so down on myself... I should be praising myself for how good I have been doing. I should sit back and say.. ok.. I only got 10 minutes done today, instead of 20, I learned my lesson, and now that my baby girl is not napping, and my mom is (finally) back on a REAL work schedule I can simply take it as information to have for my next workout on Wednesday.

I just know "me" so well. And I have been petrified to "miss" one day since I began this hard regimen I have forced on myself.

So far.. until today, I have gotten on my bike, and ridden for at least 20 minutes 3 days a week - since the middle of September. I had worked up to 22 minutes and in that time was riding 7 miles. Through my hip pain and all. So... now I have to figure out when I can do it... I can't do it while the kids nap, because Jillian seems to not be napping anymore. Today I tried to do it with her up, and Aidan napping... and it just did not work.

And I got so mad at her... and I hate that. And I feel so guilty for how mad I got... I know she doesn't mean it... and she is only 3... I just sometimes feel like if for one instant I get preoccupied... she will "take advantage" of that moment and get into things she *knows* good and well she is supposed to leave alone. Like my dresser drawers today.

So... I am just not sure what to do. I don't know how I will pull myself out of bed an hour before everyone else starts to stir so I can get it all done... (work out and shower) - but that seems like the only plausible thing. But then I have to go to bed at like 10.. so I can make sure I am asleep by 12. (Yes, it takes me a while to fall asleep...) BUT - this past week the kids were just getting to bed at 10 because of the new time my husband has been getting home.

So... if I am going to bed with them every night... it give me no more "me" time - at all. None while the kids nap. None after they are in bed. No time with my husband, where it is just us.. and no time to watch all the shows I am Tivo-ing this season.. which I enjoy so much.

I am just so frustrated.

Heard in my house: My son just sang an entire Wiggles song.. and danced too! It was SO adorable!

Something Extra: My Myspace Profile.

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