Comments:

Me - 2004-11-17 15:52:51
Oh Lisa...I am sad that you are sad. I don't think he is worth it. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing.
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Lisa - 2004-11-17 15:54:51
Trust me, I know. But to me, he is worth it. I didn't post it for everyone to jump down his throat. I just needed to get it out... get other opinions and such. Thanks for your input, I do appreciate it.
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PUBLIUS - 2004-11-17 16:04:35
I will just say remember you two are getting on one anothers nerves and that happens give each other room to go nuts, be psycho, be a jackass, etc. You know you love each other.. You two are both SO in love.
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Des - 2004-11-17 16:49:19
This is classic behavior of a quilty person. He knows he's in the wrong and he's attempting to cover his ass. Plain and simple. And in the end there you are defending yourself...why you don't want sex etc. The man CHEATED on you...TWICE. You have two young children that exhaust you. He is unemployed which is creating stress and fear. Yeah, all those factors make ME hot. Not to mention the simple fact that that conversation was a first step to 'playing around' period. So, you have more than enough cause not to trust him. I love how he always makes it YOUR issue why HE can't keep HIS dick to himself. And clearly he WOULD be that stupid as to do it at home considering hello, that conversation was on the HOME computer and WAY out of bounds. I understand that if he wanted sex advice it might be easier to talk to someone he doesn't know...but you are right. That was NOT about helping his sexlife with YOU. It was about getting his rocks off with someone else. I wish you didn't make his faults your issues Lisa. It's not worth the pain and damage it causes you.
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Amber - 2004-11-17 17:54:38
I agree completely, sex does not make a marriage! *hugs* I'm so sorry that you two are having a bad spell.
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PoeticaL - 2004-11-17 21:20:29
You're married. Walk down the hall, walk across the room, why walk across the Internet? I DO understand the need to vent. I understand your need to double check and triple check him. However, I'm going out on a limb and letting you know that I double and tripled check my ex-husband right out of our marriage. He preferred to go start anew where he wouldn't be checked...probably because he wants to cheat on his second wife. There's NO good advice. It's a mangled up mess once infidelity hits. However, my best advice...turn off the Internet, go outside, take a walk with your family...look at each other and say rather than "type" what you feel.
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PoeticaL - 2004-11-17 21:22:05
Oh and "sex" does not make a marriage, but if you don't have physical intimacy, for a man...that is of the same importance as emotional intimacy is for a woman. If one is missing for one the other will surely be missing for the other.
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The Burnman - 2004-11-17 22:10:26
As a man, I would like to state that physical intimacy is NOT the most important part of a relationship. Is it important? It can be... is it as important as the emotion behind it? No. Sex is something both people must want... or it is not worth having. If there is something keeping one partner from wanting it, it is up to the other partner to understand... and be patient. It is something for people to work TOGETHER on... not something to give in to.
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Becky - 2004-11-18 07:48:49
I never post any messages, but have been reading for some time now. I am sorry that you are going through this tough time. I have always said that the hardest part of continuing a relationship after infidelity is not the forgiving part but the forgetting part, and I say this being on both sides of the situation. I usually say that I could not continue to be in a relationship with my husband if he cheated, not because I couldnt forgive him, but because I couldnt forget and down the road, everytime we had an argument it would end up being about the same relationship. Unfortunately, that is no way to have a relationship, but I feel that your husband has to want to make you forget what he did because you obviously have forgiven him if you still are together and he doesnt seem to want to let you forget if he continually brings it up. As for taking sides publius, I think it only happens because we read about what happens mostly from what Lisa says and since it is an online diary, it is open to comments about what we are READING.
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Nikia - 2004-11-18 13:26:42
Normally I just put supportive comments for Lisa up here, but this time I�m going to post because all of this back and forth bullshit on whose side is the one to take is really getting on my nerves. Lisa is my best friend; she�s been my best friend for damn near 15 years. Of course, Andrew and I met through her and we are really cool. Now don�t get me wrong, I�m aware of Andrew�s indiscretions and know most of the details that Lisa DOESN�T post on Diaryland, but I also have the liberty of seeing them face-to-face and I know that they love each other. They have three beautiful children (Andrew has a daughter that�s from before Lisa) and regardless of the extraneous things that go on inside of their marriage, they raise their family and do a damn good job of it. I�m proud of my best friend for her strength, regardless of how I feel about her taking on what should ALONE be Andrew�s guilt for what he�s done. I�m proud of the way she raises Aidan and Jillian and I�m proud of how she holds it together when the majority of people would have broken the fuck apart. Credit should be given where credit is due and I think that if you guys are here to give Lisa constructive feedback then don�t condemn her for only doing what she feels is necessary to keep her family together. Now, this is my feedback (and Andrew, I hope you read this): Respecting each other is the key to making things work (as disrespecting each other is the easy way to a divorce � I should know). Saying evil shit in malice is only going to make YOU look like a jackass and making idle threats or unwarranted comments are only going to make things deteriorate even more. Regardless of how intrusive it might seem to have recording software on your computer, the reason why it is there FAR OUTWEIGHS the reason why it should be removed. Trust is hella hard to rebuild and if you want to rebuild trust then sometimes you have to give a little to get even little back. BUT it�s STILL progress. FACT � Andrew has done some really evil shit as far as their marriage is concerned. FACT � Lisa has been MORE than forgiving in regard to those things. That�s obvious. BUT Andrew can only be held responsible for what LISA holds him responsible for. They are husband and wife and if he cheats and does/does not see the consequences behind his actions from his wife, then the only person at fault for not correcting/abandoning the situation is Lisa and she has to deal with that inside of her household. I just feel that cheating or the illusion of cheating in a relationship only creates distrust, betrayal and fear. Distrust in your union, betrayal of your vows, and fear for your health (because this world is not pretty and STD�s lurk EVERYWHERE). I just pray that Andrew will see what a WONDERFUL woman he has as his wife and be there for her as she is there for him (at least from what I know). I love you both very much. -Nikki
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Marissa - 2004-11-18 16:13:26
I know where you're coming from Lisa, and I understand the need to check all the time. I'm not going to say he's not worth it, because whether or I not I think he's worth it or not, you're the one who decides. And I applaud you for sticking with him through everything. I'm not sure I could do that, no matter how much I loved the man. But his saying things to hurt you makes him the immature one, not you. If he thinks saying that makes him a better person, then he's either very stupid or he himself hasn't grown up yet. My father used to do that to my mother, say things to hurt her when he was losing a fight because she couldn't keep control when she was hurting, and he'd think he won. He hurt her right out of the marriage, because she couldn't take the pain it caused. If says how he should have left... ask him how it would feel if you left. Not to start a fight, but people often see themselves leaving, never being the left. It hurts either way, and it's never pretty, and not only do the parents suffer, but the children suffer.
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Lisa - 2004-11-18 19:31:19
In the future, if you can't make your point without throwing around all sorts of foul words, as I have done here, your comment will be deleted. Everyone else, thank you very much. There is absoloutley no reason to insult other commentors, it makes whatever point you thought you had lose immense value. Thanks, and Thank you everyone for your input.
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PUBLIUS - 2004-11-18 21:06:33
Okay your right in the fact that I didnt have to insult them after they insulted you and your marriage. Two wrongs dont make a right.. I will just say these others commentators are WRONG and should be ASHAMED of themselves for taking sides in such an arrogant and ignorant manner. They offer no symptahy or realistic solutions just HATe and Go with their FIRST EMOTIONAL response. Thank you for the correction Lisa.
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AlmostNormal - 2004-11-19 14:38:54
I think perchance that last entry was not about you...it was a cry for help from someone who is hurting. You didn't do the hurting, and he's not expecting you to heal it, it's just there and he wishes it wasn't. Kind of like standing in the middle of a forest preserve, looking up at the moon, and being so sad that you can't leave the ground. You know no one can give you wings to fly with, but your soul still feels cheated somehow you can't soar into the clouds. I wasn't trying to sound deep and meaningful or anything...ultimately I'm probably wrong...but just had to take a crack at it.
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The Burnman - 2004-11-21 08:15:15
Publius, just want to make a point here... Everyone was an opinion about everything. For example, Key Lime Pie. Some people like it, some people do not. The people who like the pie generally don't get upset at those who do not. Exactly what is it that has you so upset? Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and isn't that what this little comments section is about? Some of what people have said here, you may not agree with. Fine. But to say that they are behaving in an arrogant or ignorant manner is a little harsh. When a friend comes to you with something, do you just sit there and stare blankly at them, avoiding your initial emotional responses? Or do you take in all of the information and proceed to dictate your idea of the perfect solution? Pardon my aggrivation, but it bothers me to see someone trolling a comments thread simply to harass those who post their comments. As for people venting hate... is it wrong to hate the betrayal of trust? Is it wrong to hate what has happened to Lisa? Is it wrong to react in anger to an angering situation? Something to consider.
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