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Comments:
Olivia - 2004-12-30 11:49:41
What men refuse to understand is that sex for women encompasses our whole mind, body and spirit. Meaning - if there is anything that is upsetting us emotionally (ie: my husband has cheated on me, made me feel like dirt, has caused me major grief about his job/lack of, i have two small children and am therefore sleep deprived, i am physically injured, etc) then sex is just NOT appealing. Sex for men is just purely a physical and necessary act. It is built into their genes, this need to procreate. It is almost a horrific joke - the idea of monogomy, NOT that I think your husband needs to cheat on you. What does need to happen is that your husband needs to understand that your desire for sex does not START once your head hits the pillow at night and you are getting ready to FINALLY get some sleep. It starts first thing in the morning when he helps you get the kids up and ready, when he lovingly asks you if you feel okay today and what you need help with, when he calls you from work, just because, when he offers to help you with the dishes after dinner and after he has truly been interested in what you've had to say - all day.....all of these type things combined lead to this overwhelmind desire for a woman to please her man - and THESE type of situations are what lead to happier sex lives. No woman is going to simply "put out" just because her husband wants her to - and its not fair of him to make you feel guilty about nature.
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Lisa - 2004-12-30 11:57:30
"It starts first thing in the morning when he helps you get the kids up and ready, when he lovingly asks you if you feel okay today and what you need help with, when he calls you from work, just because, when he offers to help you with the dishes after dinner..."
He really does a lot of these things anyway, I have to give him credit where it's due - he does help with getting the kids up, normally if I cook, he does the dishes and that sort of thing... he really doesn't need to do more around the house than he does at all... It really is a "me" issue - but I just expect him to HELP me with it not point the finger... does that make any sense?
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L - 2004-12-30 12:18:58
I totally understand your frustrations around this issue. And I think that you should maybe go see a doctor about it. Granted, you do know that a lot of it has to do with being so tired but it seems this is a constant thing for you. Maybe the doctor can reveal some other problems that may be contributing to this. Then you can get your husband in on it, explain to him what the doctor has said about it and what the doctor has said he can do to help. You can tell him what's wrong til you're blue in the face but a doctor's diagnosis carries much more weight (usually). Maybe it'll help things out for you. Oh, and when you go, make sure you tell him everything and how you've been feeling. He can't make a proper diagnosis when you leave bits out (trust me, we're all tempted to because we're embarassed, but I can guarantee no matter what you could possibly say, he's heard 'worse'). Good Luck!!!
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Amber - 2004-12-30 14:05:48
You're under a lot of stress right now, I'm sure that once the stress begins to go away with your husband having a new job and all of that then your labido will come back a little here and there. I know I don't like to have sex when I'm all stressed out, ya know? I'm so sorry, I know that him feeling hurt about the lack of sex isn't helping the stress either. *hugs* See a doctor about your hips definantly once you have insurance.
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Olivia - 2004-12-30 18:11:34
I think seeing the doctor is a good thing then. And even if the doctor does not find anything PHYSICALLY wrong, you might consider seeing a therapist. Like, I said, its just as emotional for us as it is physical. It may be as small/large as you not having a good self/body image right now. I know that when I had put on some weight, --I-- didn't even want to see myself naked, nonetheless, my HUSBAND. I truly do hope that he does come to understand that only though patience and understanding will this get resolved because you CERTAINLY are not going to want to put out just because he is whining about it. Kudos to him though for being a help around the house, you have one up on a lot of wives.
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christopher - 2004-12-31 00:22:11
I'm sorry you were offended, but your husband starts shit and should expect shit, shouldn't he? And yes, we've read your diary page by page so we can comment on it.
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PUBLIUS - 2004-12-31 01:49:12
I hope you and your hip feel better Lisa. On another matter my 'comment' is do not let ignorant individuals upset you, they are not worthy of your time.
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Pandi - 2004-12-31 02:20:51
Oh, the tangled webs. As you know, my beef is not with you. In fact, I don't even have a beef with your husband anymore. I really don't care. His actions represent his state of mind, as far as I'm concerned. As for this entry, I can only speak from experience. For years, I thought it was me. My thyroid. My stress. My commute. My fatigue. My this. My that. But really, it was the relationship I had with my husband--who, incidentally, used to whine about not getting laid enough as though it was all my fault. A poor relationship will kill one's sex drive faster and more forcibly than anything else in the world. Once I separated from him, it all came back. (And how, ironically. And I lost 20 pounds, too.) I wish you the best. You deserve some peace and happiness, as do your children, and one day, I hope you find it. But only you can set the wheels in motion for doing so.
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