Goings On......

02.19.2004 at 2:51 p.m.

I'm at my "temporary" work right now.

Things are happening rather dramtically and quickly.

I don't know if it was mentioned but I was forced to resign from my previous job a few weeks ago.

I had made a pretty good name for myself in the business I am in.(Mortgage Banking). When word traveled that I was a "free agent", the phone calls have not stopped. Well it looks like I've narrowed my serach down to 2 places..... Tuesday I travel to Rhode Island for a final meeting with 1 poetential Suitor and Wed. I meet with suitor # 2. Both are very high paying jobs with all the perks and benefits one can only dream of.

I am praying that I make the right decision. It could mean financial stability and peace of mind as far as providing for my children, family and home.

Now, my mother's company is closing down. She is not a youngster and is terrified of having to look for work. If I had the means, I'd pay as much as I could to help her and make her life easier. She has my father who is much older than she to deal with. He basically stays in bed and complains about his misery and being old. He is an "off the boat" italian who despises doctors and is now actually on antidepressants. I always knew that ran in the family.

My brother is extremely obese, we dont know how it happenned considering I am the opposite.

I want the world around me and the entire world for that matter to be at peace. It's hard to balance and not think of all the people out there in the world who are a lot worse off than I am. What can 1 person do? I simply pray every day about it.

Lately, I've been feeling like the shit is gonna hit the fan as far as this country is concerned. I despise our current administration and what it attempts to represent. I'm not thrilled with the candidates either but anyone will be better than what we have now but part of me also feels like another "fake terroist attack" is going to occur prior to the election and thus suspend constitutional rights for all Americans and suspend elections. Don't laugh... Its been hinted at already. After my horrific expereince at the WTC on 9-11, I have lost all faith in our government and have NO doubt they would pull some thing off to promote whatever fucking wacky agenda they may have conjured up.

Sometimes I feel like I should stock up on supplies to ride out the coming storm and at other times.... just live my life and hope for the best.. Right now, I'm a conscious person living my life but aware. Does that make sense? Do I make sense? Do I ramble to much?

I am and always have been a very deep thinker. Even in 1 of my songs I have a line, "It's hard to be a deep swimmer, in a shallow pool.." Maybe I'm an elitist, but I consider myslef more aware and pensive than most people I encounter, or rather "sheeple".

Peace,

NeO

Heard in my house: NeO

Something Extra:

Feeling:

Craving: